Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
