just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
