Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
