somebody snuck up and got me drunk
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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