i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
