Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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