Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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