I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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