It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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