I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
