It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just forgot I was standing up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
