A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So many bounce houses so little time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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