I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
