so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
