I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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