I wish I could teleport
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
