why didn't you poke me back
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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