Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
