They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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