I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
