About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
