This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
