kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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