i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
