Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
