Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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