I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
