Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize