I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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