So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
