if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
