Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
