When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
