i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am one with the molecules
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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