she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
