woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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