Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
did i walk over a car last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
