What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
