So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
