If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize