Jerry, you need to find god
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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