Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
