Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
