I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
