All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
