$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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