just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
