I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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