Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
