You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
