Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
