you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
