It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
