At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
