Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
