So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
