When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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