and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize