I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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