I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
