guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize