After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
