I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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